It is not like my husband is abusing me emotionally or physically, it is just that I am no longer in love with him anymore.  Over the past 2-3 years, we have grown so far apart that our marriage seems more like 2 friends living together.  Sometimes I feel like it is not fair to him or myself if we keep up this charade.  We can both feel that everything is not fine with our marriage.  But there are also times when I believe that we can fight to keep this marriage alive.

I have been having an affair

Just in case you think that it is terrible of me to cheat on my husband, I will need to tell you my side of the story.   I have caught my husband masturbating in front of the computer watching porn movies several times.  It is not like I am depriving him of sex, because I have tried many times to seduce him, but he never seems to be interested.  I actually try to act like a whore so that he might be interested, but I still do not get any reaction out of him.  I have worn the sluttiest lingerie with knee high boots, even pleasure myself in front of him just to get some reaction out of him.  He doesn’t get an erection for me anymore.  And in order to get him excited, on the rarest of rare occasion, I have to spend 5-6 minutes giving him a blowjob.  He is only 35 and impotency definitely hasn’t come into play yet.  So I don’t really don’t know what the issue, other than he is not into me anymore.

Since then, I just quit trying.  I ended up looking for comfort and affection somewhere else.  I found it with a man I met in the gym.  He is kind, affectionate and best of all, totally into me.  He texts me constantly and calls me when I am alone.  He would send me flowers at work and calls me for no reason to tell me that he loves me.  And he is gentle and great in bed.  He was always able to give me multiple orgasms when we made love.

I do wish that my husband is more in love with me, like he used to be the first years of our marriage.  I just feel torn whether I should leave him and pursue an open relationship with this other man.  Deep in my heart I do believe that my husband still loves me, and he would want us to have the loving relationship we once shared.

If you are like me stuck in a loveless marriage, you are probably miserable like me.  So why not get a divorce and then find yourself another woman who you are attracted to, and who you are in love with.  It is easier said then done if you have been married for many years.  To make matters even more complicated, if you have children and you do not want a broken family for your children, so what is a desperate man like me to do?  I choose to have an affair.

I have lost any sexual interest in my wife

Having been married for over 10 years,  things have definitely changed between my wife and I.  We used to have sex two, three times a week.  Now I try to avoid it so we only have to do it every 2-3 weeks.  I don’t get aroused by my wife sexually anymore.  I used to get excited just seeing her naked, but now she can be parading around me naked and I will still not get turned on.  So whenever we do have sex, she would give me a blow job before I can get hard.  And even then I had to force myself to think of some random woman I would imagine having sex with.

Recently I am fascinated by any other women but my wife

I just came back from vacation with the family to Sesame Place in PA.  I saw so many good looking women in their 20s that I just cannot help but imagining all the what ifs.  These women have tight bodies and all dressed in skimpy bikinis.  I have not felt that kind of excitement just thinking of bedding them.  These women have the firmest ass and I can just picture them bouncing off me when they are riding me.  And they also have the perkiest looking breasts that I just want to bury my face into.  I would even look at the nice feet of some of these women and just wonder what it will be like to suck and lick their toes.  Just thinking of that, I was totally turned on.  And imagine that was in the environment of a cold water setting where it is difficult to get an erection because of the shrinkage factor.

Time to check out Ashley Madison

I have known about Ashley Madison for a while through some mutual friends.  Some of my married friends have used their services, and have quite successful results.  I believe if I am going to have an affair, I will have to use Ashley Madison’s professional services.  I will update everyone on my extramarital affair adventure in the next update.